11-16-09: You know it's cold when...

• The batteries in your remote digital thermometer freeze (freeze, not just go dead)
• All the fluid in the cheap liquid thermometer is in the bulb (only goes down to -20F)
• The snow stops crunching and starts squeaking
• The dog's water dish freezes and her food frosts up even though it's inside but just too close to the door
• The exhaust on the chainsaw and the generator creates vapor which immediately turns to hoar frost
• The Shindaiwa chainsaw (Japanese) has completely packed it in and only runs inside
• The Husqvarna chainsaw (Swedish) blade frosts over if it isn't in constant motion
• The HotSnapz (sodium acetate chemical warmers) actually begin to freeze despite being activated
• The truck won't start even though you've got her plugged in (block heater, etc) AND are trying to jump her directly from the generator
• The snow you track in from outside lies on the floor for 10 minutes before melting
• The wood you bring in from outside is so cold that it robs all the heat from the stove and won't catch fire without assistance (i.e. copious amounts of junk mail)
• Even the snow-loving dog doesn't want to stay out for more than a few minutes and starts limping because there are ice balls stuck in her paws
• The cat will only come out of her kitty hut if the doors are closed and the fire is roaring
• The leather AND Gore-tex on your boots and gloves freezes even though it isn't wet -- there goes the last vestiges of grip and usefulness
• You look like Jack Frost within 5 minutes of being outside because your breath has frozen on your nose, eyelashes, eyebrows, mustache, beard, etc…
• The hood of your truck freezes over even though it's currently running (and was clear at one point)
• Small trees can be removed from your path simply by punting them… they're frozen and break right off
• You're wearing two LavaWool glove liners, your Gumby Gloves with HotSnapz in them, and your fingers still start to freeze within 20 minutes
• You're wearing LavaWool sock liners, two pairs of wool socks, boots with 600 grams of Thinsulate Ultra in them and your toes still start to freeze within 20 minutes
• Your socket wrench freezes to the battery terminal before you can loosen the connection
• The cat pee freezes before the litter can even clump
• Dog bombs in the yard freeze solid within 5 minutes of being dropped
• You have to use soft artists charcoal to write outside because even graphite pencils won't work (just forget about pens or crayons of any sort)
• It takes you longer to get dressed to take the dog out than she actually spends doing her business
• It's only 65F in the house and you think it's piggin' hot when you come back in
• You have to consume 250-500 calories for every hour you're outside, and you're still exhausted after only 3 hours